Colossians 3:23 says “Whatever you do, work at it will all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."
In case you didn’t know this about me, I tend to be a perfectionist. When something I’ve completed is not done to the best of my ability it really bothers me. My work is organized and thorough. In college I learned a Greek word from my soccer coach: Kopian. It means “Labor for the Lord until utter exhaustion.” I have this posted on my notebook that I use every day, and it reminds me to give everything I’ve got to everything I do.
Ever since I became a teacher 5 weeks ago I’ve felt anything but organized. I keep feeling like I don’t deserve to be here because everything seems like it’s up in the air, things thrown together and not making complete sense. I never have enough time to be fully prepared, and as a result I feel like I’m letting the kids down and God down. I continually second guess myself, and I over analyze even the smallest things.
I know, I know… everyone keeps telling me this is normal your first year of teaching. And I think about that every day, and it does give me at least some mental relief. But I worry constantly. I stress over being the best teacher I can possibly be and at the same time being the godliest role model and person I can be. And I know that as long as I’m putting in that effort, giving God and everyone else my very best, that’s all I can do – but I still feel… stuck, I guess is the word. I’m having trouble visualizing the big picture. I’m just trying to be the best I can be right now, and I know that’s all I can do, but I’m always trying to better myself and I can never settle for where I am now.
Is it wrong to strive for perfection? Because in a sense, striving for perfection is not accepting you’re human, and humans can never be perfect. But at the same time, we can’t be content with where we are because we always have sometime to work on!
So I guess this post doesn’t really have a purpose, I just wanted to get some thoughts out of my overloaded mind. Take what you want from it, and give me some advice if you have any!
Utterly exhausted,
Kim
Hello Sweet Kim, Take a deep breath, With God's help you will do Great:) It takes time to settle in a new place. Sending extra Prayers for a wonderful week. Remember to look at the beauty all around,you are getting blessings as well as giving:) Hugs,Mary:)
ReplyDeleteOnly one perfect person ever lived on this planet and I hate to break it to you - it ain't you. LOL Just know that your best is good enough. It's good enough for God so it should be good enough for you. We love you and keep you in our prayers!
ReplyDeleteTina
I wish I was there...WE could SO teach those kids and whip them into shape and get everything in the school organized then we could work on that broken board walk and heck we would probably organize the entire little newtok village and throw parties and have bonfires and have so much fun that we would eventually get ourselves into trouble and get banned from the eitire state of Alaska. Okay, I will stay home so you can keep your job and be respectable. I love you and know that you are probably doing a much better job, than you give yourself credit for. Keep up the good work and enjoy life!
ReplyDeletePrecious Kim: believe it or not, perfect lesson plans and perfect lessons are not what make great teachers. When your students know you care and you shine as an example to them, they will learn the most important things that you can teach them. The subject matter matters...but not as much as the role model.
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